Joe's Myths

Mike was an average student. He could handle most things his classes through at him, though he didn't like to put forth much effort. As such, he tended to look for the easiest way to do his assignments, even if that meant cheating. One day, he was given an assignment in his math class. He wasn't paying much attention, so he simply took it home, googled it, and wrote down the answer he found online. When he turned it in the next day, he was very confused by the asonished look on his teacher's face. "Mike," she said, "this is incredible! When I told everyone to try to derive the grand unified theory, I didn't think anyone would be able to do it. You must be a genius! We have to show the principal and get you into a higher level class." This was not what Mike wanted to hear or do, but he didn't want to get in trouble by admitting he cheated on the assignment. He was put into the honors math and science classes, and struggled with them. He was on ...

One day, there was a very proud seagull. He went around all day boasting that he was truly the strongest of all the animals. He was largely ignored at first, with everyone thinking he was simply trying to draw attention to himself. Eventually, he became enough of a nuisance that the other animals decided it was time for him to show his worth or shut his mouth. When asked to prove himself, he would simply challenge the other animal to a contest. Whoever could throw a rock the farthest would be considered stronger. All of the animals would take their shot at this, each thinking they could easily beat the small bird. After all, the rock weighed almost as much as the seagull himself! First came the lion, who proudly threw the rock over a hundred feet. The bird, still looking smug, simply picked up a rock and flew that far before dropping his rock just beyond the lion's. This pattern continued with the other animals. The dog would throw, and the seagull would drop his rock just beyond...

There was once a man named Steve who had a son, Mike. Mike was very in to cosplaying, or wearing costumes of his favorite video game characters and meeting others like him. Steve did not understand this, nor did he want to. He stayed as far away from Mike's cosplaying as he physically could. One day, Mike was getting into his costume, with the help of his mother, to go to a convention when his father came downstairs. It had been a particularly hard week on Steve and he was non too pleased to see his son dressed like he was. He became irate with his wife about how she enabled this weirdness in their son and eventually slammed a book on the table to express his frustration. Steve's wife took this as a cue to leave, and hurridly took Mike to his convention. After cooling down a little bit, Steve realized he had made a mistake and was determined to apologize for it. He knew where the convention was taking place and drove there himself. When he got to the convention hall, he spoke...

There was a man who was known for playing tricks on all those he could. His favorite targets were his daughter's boyfriends. His daughter, Clara, had had many boyfriends, and lost most of them because they could not stand her father for any length of time. One day, she met a man who could equal her father's wit, and introduced the two. "Dad, this is my boyfriend Steve." "Hey Steve, my name is Walter. Would you want to go on a fishing trip with me?" "Glad to meet you Walter, I'd love to!" The pair agreed to leave in the morning. Clara warned Steve that her father often liked to trick her boyfriends, and to be on his guard. With this advice on his mind, Steve left with Walter to go fishing. The two traveled quite some ways and needed to stay the night at a hotel before they could begin fishing the next day. As they lay down to sleep, Walter said,"Nobody I've gone fishing with ever gets to take a picture with their catch because their...

The Destroyer was the best wrestler to enter the pro scene, as was foretold by the script. Every time he stepped int he Right, nobody left until he had rendered his opponent unconscious. To keep it real, nobody felt it necessary to tell him that everything was scripted. All of his success had gotten to his head, and he started wanting more from the league. "I've never lost a match," said the Destroyer. "I want to have an official coronation as king of this league!" The owners of the league decided it was time for him to lose, hoping it would lower his ego and make things easier for everyone involved. They set The Destroyer against increasingly difficult opponents, each time telling them that they were to actually fight him and go for the win. The Destroyer lived up to his name in every bout. After many weeks of trying and failing to dismount him from his self proclaimed throne, one of interns lobbied an idea to the board of directors. "What if you promo...

I have added this story to my portfolio. I really hate taking baths. Surely there has to be an easier way to clean ourselves than to make me walk all the way out to this remote little bay. Then again, who am I to question the traditions that have been so for as long as anyone can remember. I'm sure my ancestor, Amaterasu, knew of better ways to bathe, but I don't get to talk to them, so here we go again. Now that I've cleaned up, this wasn't such a bad idea. I needed a little me time, so I'm going to enjoy this as much as I can. I'm going to sit on this rock for a while and just enjoy the sun. Hey, who's that in the water over there? That looks like a mermaid! I've never met a mermaid before, I'm going to go introduce myself. Oh shoot, I scared her. Wait! No! Come back! I just wanted to say hi. Darn it, maybe I can find where she swam off to. There's got to be a cave entrance around here somewhere. Darn, I couldn't find anything. I have...

 Rasalu had been traveling the countryside for a while now, always accompanied by his trusty companion Alexa. Alexa generally just made sure they were going the right general direction, but occasionally spouted useful trivia. As he came out of the gas station, only staffed by an old man who seemed too fragile to still be able to move, Rasalu showed his car's AI his new trinket. "The old man gave me this laptop," Rasalu began. "He said that it was it could counter curses, should I ever find myself in a competitive game of pinball on someone else's cursed computer." "Wow," said Alexa, "that's an oddly specific item to be given just before meeting our mysterious contact." "Maybe," replied Rasalu, "but who am I to refuse the gift of a strange old man?" The traveling duo continued toward their destination without another distraction. As they entered the building, they saw one man, sitting in the middle of a busy roo...

Despite all the madness that has been his life, Sinbad once again was set upon by a sense of unease in his quiet lifestyle. He could not content himself with the quiet retired life he deserved and once again longed for the adventures of his previous voyages. Taking the initiative, he acquired some goods to sell, a ship to carry him, and some merchants to accompany him on the voyage. The voyage started as normal as any other, smooth seas and favorable winds. Then the sky darkened with clouds, the water became tumultuous, and the wind picked up and changed directions rapidly. Soon, his ship succumbed to the storm and he resigned himself to his watery grave. When Sinbad regained consciousness, with a slight disappointment filling his soul, he found that he had once again survived against all odds and was once again alone with nothing but driftwood as company. He slowly drifted through the ocean until he landed on a beach. He soon had found fruit and fresh water to restore his spirit a...

Mark really didn't like to take sides. If given the option, he would stay a third party observer to any conflict near him. This became relevant one day as he was attending his classes. His class was setting up for a debate, and Mark wanted to be close enough not to get called out for not participating, without having to actually choose a side. As the preparations for the debate began, both sides approached him, asking for his allegiance. He turned them both down, saying he had already partnered with the other group. Finally, the debate occurred. It was a fiercely fought battle, and though no clear winner was declared, both sides felt good about the outcome. The professor, wanting to be nice, offered extra credit to anyone who wrote up a summary of their team's debate. Not wanting to miss out on a grade boost, Mark tried to join one group, then the other. Predictably, they both turned him down, believing him to be on the other team. Still not wanting to miss out on the points,...

Note: I have added this story to my portfolio here: Link Pym's Gal Pym Malachi Ian was tired of being alone. He blamed some of his lonely nature on the name his parents gave him, supposedly he was descended from some famous Greek sculptor, but he just thought it was lame. Not that he wanted to be popular, everything about the idea disgusted him, specifically the other people. He wasn’t cynical, he just couldn’t stand the rest of his generation, specifically the girls. All they cared about was how they looked and what parties they went to and every other aspect of their appearance. If something didn’t directly affect how they were seen, either literally or in a social sense, those girls couldn’t be bothered by it. But Gal A. T., she was the exception. Everything about her was perfect, from her looks, to her brains, to her slightly shy personality. Everything that could be perfect about her, was in Pym’s eyes. The only problem was that she wasn’t exactly real. Pym was ...